This is my first experience reading your newsletter, and your writing is beautiful, as is the subject matter, though certainly sad as well. I recently lost a dear friend who had been ill but went downhill unexpectedly. He was pretty young and the grief is still fresh. I am sorry for your loss and glad you have Faith and Hope!
Isn't it wonderful to have such tales for times like this? Grief has become a tolerated guest in my life as of late. But I think, like you said, it'll be a wound that will never truly heal--whether we are Sam or Frodo.
Jokien, thank you for this very helpful essay. This year has been hard. I'm sorry for your loss. I wrote this last fall for my mother (April) who passed in March of 2022. Grieving with hope, Brian
APRIL’S AUTUMN
A Villanelle
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder,
Whose strong cry began their lives’ long tale,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
She was the First Face they learned, and told her
“Mama,” as she coaxed their words. Now words fail
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder.
Her loveliness faded as they grew older,
Yet she was always their heart’s first love (though frail).
Beautifully written and insightful, showing deep understanding of both Tolkien and the human condition. It’s been a while since I’ve read something on Tolkien that is not academically dry or mimetically superficial. Thanks - should be widely read... Tinfang.
What a beautiful reflection. I have filled many pages writing about my own grief with the loss of my son, but you're right; there is no healing on this side of eternity, but there is hope.
Thank you for sharing with us today. This is such a beautiful meditation on grief. I am so sorry for your loss. Grief does change us. It becomes this thing we carry throughout the rest of our lives, and can shape us in profound ways. Thabk you again for sharing a glimpse of your journey.
I appreciate you sharing this insight, grief and loss are experiences we seldom discuss or share, so thank you.
On a different note, I’m struck by the choice of October 6, I study Hungarian history and 6 October is the anniversary of the execution of generals following the 1848 Revolution and as such marks one of Hungary’s unhealed wounds. Do you know if Tolkien possibly had this in mind? Given his wide knowledge of history it seems plausible.
The beauty of Tolkien's writing is that he never succumbs to the need to idealistically portray his characters without depth, as so many of the writers who imitated him have. His universe is real and its flaws numerous.
I lost my best friend 5 days before Christmas this will be my 7th Christmas w out him and every year I will take that day off and spend extra time w his mom who has become like a 2nd mom to me. And we have lunch together at his favorite place then I go see a movie sometimes w someone else or just by myself but I try to watch something that I think he would want to watch. Even though he has been gone for years I'm fight back tears as I'm writing this bc he was more like a brother to me and I know he thought of me like a sister. We just had a lot of love between the to of us. But we both loved lotr.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for the repose of your brother's soul, as well as healing for you and your family.
Oof. This was a rough read for me. Not just because of what I said over on Notes, but because my older brother was a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan and I lost him to cancer about 5 years ago. It's been a while since I've read the books, but damn, does that ending really align with how it feels to lose someone.
I came back to this after reading your note about your brother’s birthday, and again I give my most solemn condolences to you and your family. I just wanted to say that I recently completed a short story about a man who lost everything and thought he could somehow get it back by killing himself, and since he could not handle the guilt of the enormous loss he had suffered. In the end he somewhat recovers, but he is never fully able to heal from the event that claimed all until his death, similar to Frodo never being able to find true peace until he sailed for Valinor. I hope that you manage to find some peace in such times as these, and although the wound will be there always, hiding under the surface of your daily life and then reappearing to hurt and haunt when you least expect it, remember that life is a gift that varies not in value and that your brother wants you to be happy and live it to the fullest in his honor.
Love this! Thank you for sharing! I love what Tolkien writes about hope in his essay “On Fairy Stories”: “The consolation of fairy-stories, the joy of the happy ending; or more correctly of the good catastrophe, the sudden joyous "turn" (for there is no true end to any fairy-tale): this joy, which is one of the things which fairy-stories can produce supremely well, is not essentially "escapist," nor "fugitive." In its fairy-tale -- or otherworld -- setting, it is a sudden and miraculous grace: never to be counted on to recur. It does not deny the existence of dyscatastrophe, of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance; it denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat and in so far is evangelium, giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.”
This is my first experience reading your newsletter, and your writing is beautiful, as is the subject matter, though certainly sad as well. I recently lost a dear friend who had been ill but went downhill unexpectedly. He was pretty young and the grief is still fresh. I am sorry for your loss and glad you have Faith and Hope!
Isn't it wonderful to have such tales for times like this? Grief has become a tolerated guest in my life as of late. But I think, like you said, it'll be a wound that will never truly heal--whether we are Sam or Frodo.
Jokien, thank you for this very helpful essay. This year has been hard. I'm sorry for your loss. I wrote this last fall for my mother (April) who passed in March of 2022. Grieving with hope, Brian
APRIL’S AUTUMN
A Villanelle
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder,
Whose strong cry began their lives’ long tale,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
She was the First Face they learned, and told her
“Mama,” as she coaxed their words. Now words fail
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder.
Her loveliness faded as they grew older,
Yet she was always their heart’s first love (though frail).
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
And now regret’s tide rolls in colder
To sweep the sand of her name’s sweet Braille,
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder.
Though she coddled and controlled, to scold her
Now seems petty. Despite the ways she failed,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
All I wish is one more time to enfold her
That she may lean on me at the end of the trail.
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
Beautifully written and insightful, showing deep understanding of both Tolkien and the human condition. It’s been a while since I’ve read something on Tolkien that is not academically dry or mimetically superficial. Thanks - should be widely read... Tinfang.
So very sorry for the loss you and your family have experienced. This piece was one of the most beautifully stated things I have ever read.
What a beautiful reflection. I have filled many pages writing about my own grief with the loss of my son, but you're right; there is no healing on this side of eternity, but there is hope.
Thank you for sharing with us today. This is such a beautiful meditation on grief. I am so sorry for your loss. Grief does change us. It becomes this thing we carry throughout the rest of our lives, and can shape us in profound ways. Thabk you again for sharing a glimpse of your journey.
I appreciate you sharing this insight, grief and loss are experiences we seldom discuss or share, so thank you.
On a different note, I’m struck by the choice of October 6, I study Hungarian history and 6 October is the anniversary of the execution of generals following the 1848 Revolution and as such marks one of Hungary’s unhealed wounds. Do you know if Tolkien possibly had this in mind? Given his wide knowledge of history it seems plausible.
The beauty of Tolkien's writing is that he never succumbs to the need to idealistically portray his characters without depth, as so many of the writers who imitated him have. His universe is real and its flaws numerous.
I lost my best friend 5 days before Christmas this will be my 7th Christmas w out him and every year I will take that day off and spend extra time w his mom who has become like a 2nd mom to me. And we have lunch together at his favorite place then I go see a movie sometimes w someone else or just by myself but I try to watch something that I think he would want to watch. Even though he has been gone for years I'm fight back tears as I'm writing this bc he was more like a brother to me and I know he thought of me like a sister. We just had a lot of love between the to of us. But we both loved lotr.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for the repose of your brother's soul, as well as healing for you and your family.
Oof. This was a rough read for me. Not just because of what I said over on Notes, but because my older brother was a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan and I lost him to cancer about 5 years ago. It's been a while since I've read the books, but damn, does that ending really align with how it feels to lose someone.
I came back to this after reading your note about your brother’s birthday, and again I give my most solemn condolences to you and your family. I just wanted to say that I recently completed a short story about a man who lost everything and thought he could somehow get it back by killing himself, and since he could not handle the guilt of the enormous loss he had suffered. In the end he somewhat recovers, but he is never fully able to heal from the event that claimed all until his death, similar to Frodo never being able to find true peace until he sailed for Valinor. I hope that you manage to find some peace in such times as these, and although the wound will be there always, hiding under the surface of your daily life and then reappearing to hurt and haunt when you least expect it, remember that life is a gift that varies not in value and that your brother wants you to be happy and live it to the fullest in his honor.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so very sorry for your terrible loss.
Love this! Thank you for sharing! I love what Tolkien writes about hope in his essay “On Fairy Stories”: “The consolation of fairy-stories, the joy of the happy ending; or more correctly of the good catastrophe, the sudden joyous "turn" (for there is no true end to any fairy-tale): this joy, which is one of the things which fairy-stories can produce supremely well, is not essentially "escapist," nor "fugitive." In its fairy-tale -- or otherworld -- setting, it is a sudden and miraculous grace: never to be counted on to recur. It does not deny the existence of dyscatastrophe, of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance; it denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat and in so far is evangelium, giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.”
beautiful. im sorry for your loss.