This is my first experience reading your newsletter, and your writing is beautiful, as is the subject matter, though certainly sad as well. I recently lost a dear friend who had been ill but went downhill unexpectedly. He was pretty young and the grief is still fresh. I am sorry for your loss and glad you have Faith and Hope!
Kristi, thank you for your support, both in words of encouragement and in subscribing! I am sorry to hear of your loss as well. Death is a thief and all of us who have encountered it carry those wounds. Faith and hope can indeed ease the burden though!
Isn't it wonderful to have such tales for times like this? Grief has become a tolerated guest in my life as of late. But I think, like you said, it'll be a wound that will never truly heal--whether we are Sam or Frodo.
Yes, having tales like this for times like these is a great comfort. Thank you for reading! I'm sorry to hear that grief has become a guest in your life. Please let me know if there are any ways I can help, Erin! At the very least, it helps me to know that I am not alone in grief.
Jokien, thank you for this very helpful essay. This year has been hard. I'm sorry for your loss. I wrote this last fall for my mother (April) who passed in March of 2022. Grieving with hope, Brian
APRIL’S AUTUMN
A Villanelle
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder,
Whose strong cry began their lives’ long tale,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
She was the First Face they learned, and told her
“Mama,” as she coaxed their words. Now words fail
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder.
Her loveliness faded as they grew older,
Yet she was always their heart’s first love (though frail).
Brian, this is beautiful. I apologize that I hadn't seen it until now! Sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing this poignant reflection on your relationship with your mother.
Beautifully written and insightful, showing deep understanding of both Tolkien and the human condition. It’s been a while since I’ve read something on Tolkien that is not academically dry or mimetically superficial. Thanks - should be widely read... Tinfang.
What a beautiful reflection. I have filled many pages writing about my own grief with the loss of my son, but you're right; there is no healing on this side of eternity, but there is hope.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Tiffany. We may never be fully whole like we felt before our loss, but there is at least hope in our grieving and the comfort from others who are there for us in our loss. Thank you for reading and for sharing some about your own grief. If you ever needed to share more—about your son, your grief, anything—I'd be happy and honored to listen.
Thank you for sharing with us today. This is such a beautiful meditation on grief. I am so sorry for your loss. Grief does change us. It becomes this thing we carry throughout the rest of our lives, and can shape us in profound ways. Thabk you again for sharing a glimpse of your journey.
You're very welcome, Dawn. Yes, grief changes us and sticks with us. I like the idea that I've heard that grief makes us more human, because to be human is to (eventually) face loss. It's one of the few things we all share or will share.
I appreciate you sharing this insight, grief and loss are experiences we seldom discuss or share, so thank you.
On a different note, I’m struck by the choice of October 6, I study Hungarian history and 6 October is the anniversary of the execution of generals following the 1848 Revolution and as such marks one of Hungary’s unhealed wounds. Do you know if Tolkien possibly had this in mind? Given his wide knowledge of history it seems plausible.
And that's so interesting! I do not know but it's definitely a possibility. He was very intentional with certain choices he made regarding other significant dates
The beauty of Tolkien's writing is that he never succumbs to the need to idealistically portray his characters without depth, as so many of the writers who imitated him have. His universe is real and its flaws numerous.
I lost my best friend 5 days before Christmas this will be my 7th Christmas w out him and every year I will take that day off and spend extra time w his mom who has become like a 2nd mom to me. And we have lunch together at his favorite place then I go see a movie sometimes w someone else or just by myself but I try to watch something that I think he would want to watch. Even though he has been gone for years I'm fight back tears as I'm writing this bc he was more like a brother to me and I know he thought of me like a sister. We just had a lot of love between the to of us. But we both loved lotr.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for the repose of your brother's soul, as well as healing for you and your family.
Oof. This was a rough read for me. Not just because of what I said over on Notes, but because my older brother was a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan and I lost him to cancer about 5 years ago. It's been a while since I've read the books, but damn, does that ending really align with how it feels to lose someone.
Patricia, I'm so sorry to hear about both the unexpected loss of your husband's father but also about the loss of your older brother. Death, grief, and loss take so much from us and when it's unexpected or traumatic everything is compounded. I ache hearing about your losses. I am glad that what I shared here connected with your experience, though I'm sorry for any ways it has added to or reopened your pain. Thank you for reading and for sharing how it impacted you.
I came back to this after reading your note about your brother’s birthday, and again I give my most solemn condolences to you and your family. I just wanted to say that I recently completed a short story about a man who lost everything and thought he could somehow get it back by killing himself, and since he could not handle the guilt of the enormous loss he had suffered. In the end he somewhat recovers, but he is never fully able to heal from the event that claimed all until his death, similar to Frodo never being able to find true peace until he sailed for Valinor. I hope that you manage to find some peace in such times as these, and although the wound will be there always, hiding under the surface of your daily life and then reappearing to hurt and haunt when you least expect it, remember that life is a gift that varies not in value and that your brother wants you to be happy and live it to the fullest in his honor.
You're welcome, Tara. Glad to share, especially now knowing it's been exactly what some people have needed to hear at the exact moment they found it. And thank you, friend.
Love this! Thank you for sharing! I love what Tolkien writes about hope in his essay “On Fairy Stories”: “The consolation of fairy-stories, the joy of the happy ending; or more correctly of the good catastrophe, the sudden joyous "turn" (for there is no true end to any fairy-tale): this joy, which is one of the things which fairy-stories can produce supremely well, is not essentially "escapist," nor "fugitive." In its fairy-tale -- or otherworld -- setting, it is a sudden and miraculous grace: never to be counted on to recur. It does not deny the existence of dyscatastrophe, of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance; it denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat and in so far is evangelium, giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.”
This is my first experience reading your newsletter, and your writing is beautiful, as is the subject matter, though certainly sad as well. I recently lost a dear friend who had been ill but went downhill unexpectedly. He was pretty young and the grief is still fresh. I am sorry for your loss and glad you have Faith and Hope!
Kristi, thank you for your support, both in words of encouragement and in subscribing! I am sorry to hear of your loss as well. Death is a thief and all of us who have encountered it carry those wounds. Faith and hope can indeed ease the burden though!
Kristi, my wife and I are in the exact same situation, only earlier. May God have mercy and give comfort.
Thanks for writing this, JRR.
Isn't it wonderful to have such tales for times like this? Grief has become a tolerated guest in my life as of late. But I think, like you said, it'll be a wound that will never truly heal--whether we are Sam or Frodo.
Yes, having tales like this for times like these is a great comfort. Thank you for reading! I'm sorry to hear that grief has become a guest in your life. Please let me know if there are any ways I can help, Erin! At the very least, it helps me to know that I am not alone in grief.
Jokien, thank you for this very helpful essay. This year has been hard. I'm sorry for your loss. I wrote this last fall for my mother (April) who passed in March of 2022. Grieving with hope, Brian
APRIL’S AUTUMN
A Villanelle
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder,
Whose strong cry began their lives’ long tale,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
She was the First Face they learned, and told her
“Mama,” as she coaxed their words. Now words fail
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder.
Her loveliness faded as they grew older,
Yet she was always their heart’s first love (though frail).
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
And now regret’s tide rolls in colder
To sweep the sand of her name’s sweet Braille,
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder.
Though she coddled and controlled, to scold her
Now seems petty. Despite the ways she failed,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
All I wish is one more time to enfold her
That she may lean on me at the end of the trail.
When strong men mourn their mother’s shoulder,
They know beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
Brian, this is beautiful. I apologize that I hadn't seen it until now! Sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing this poignant reflection on your relationship with your mother.
Beautifully written and insightful, showing deep understanding of both Tolkien and the human condition. It’s been a while since I’ve read something on Tolkien that is not academically dry or mimetically superficial. Thanks - should be widely read... Tinfang.
Thank you! I appreciate the feedback and kind words.
So very sorry for the loss you and your family have experienced. This piece was one of the most beautifully stated things I have ever read.
Thank you for the condolences and for the compliment on this piece, Jason. I appreciate them both!
What a beautiful reflection. I have filled many pages writing about my own grief with the loss of my son, but you're right; there is no healing on this side of eternity, but there is hope.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Tiffany. We may never be fully whole like we felt before our loss, but there is at least hope in our grieving and the comfort from others who are there for us in our loss. Thank you for reading and for sharing some about your own grief. If you ever needed to share more—about your son, your grief, anything—I'd be happy and honored to listen.
Thank you so much. It's definitely hard to find people who have crossed that threshold, but so comforting when I do.
Thank you for sharing with us today. This is such a beautiful meditation on grief. I am so sorry for your loss. Grief does change us. It becomes this thing we carry throughout the rest of our lives, and can shape us in profound ways. Thabk you again for sharing a glimpse of your journey.
You're very welcome, Dawn. Yes, grief changes us and sticks with us. I like the idea that I've heard that grief makes us more human, because to be human is to (eventually) face loss. It's one of the few things we all share or will share.
I appreciate you sharing this insight, grief and loss are experiences we seldom discuss or share, so thank you.
On a different note, I’m struck by the choice of October 6, I study Hungarian history and 6 October is the anniversary of the execution of generals following the 1848 Revolution and as such marks one of Hungary’s unhealed wounds. Do you know if Tolkien possibly had this in mind? Given his wide knowledge of history it seems plausible.
You are very welcome
And that's so interesting! I do not know but it's definitely a possibility. He was very intentional with certain choices he made regarding other significant dates
The beauty of Tolkien's writing is that he never succumbs to the need to idealistically portray his characters without depth, as so many of the writers who imitated him have. His universe is real and its flaws numerous.
So well said.
I lost my best friend 5 days before Christmas this will be my 7th Christmas w out him and every year I will take that day off and spend extra time w his mom who has become like a 2nd mom to me. And we have lunch together at his favorite place then I go see a movie sometimes w someone else or just by myself but I try to watch something that I think he would want to watch. Even though he has been gone for years I'm fight back tears as I'm writing this bc he was more like a brother to me and I know he thought of me like a sister. We just had a lot of love between the to of us. But we both loved lotr.
This is so sweet and poignant, KC. Thank you for sharing it with me. That's so good that you and his mom are able to have lunch together like that.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for the repose of your brother's soul, as well as healing for you and your family.
Thank you for reading, for your condolences, and for your prayers
Oof. This was a rough read for me. Not just because of what I said over on Notes, but because my older brother was a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan and I lost him to cancer about 5 years ago. It's been a while since I've read the books, but damn, does that ending really align with how it feels to lose someone.
Patricia, I'm so sorry to hear about both the unexpected loss of your husband's father but also about the loss of your older brother. Death, grief, and loss take so much from us and when it's unexpected or traumatic everything is compounded. I ache hearing about your losses. I am glad that what I shared here connected with your experience, though I'm sorry for any ways it has added to or reopened your pain. Thank you for reading and for sharing how it impacted you.
I came back to this after reading your note about your brother’s birthday, and again I give my most solemn condolences to you and your family. I just wanted to say that I recently completed a short story about a man who lost everything and thought he could somehow get it back by killing himself, and since he could not handle the guilt of the enormous loss he had suffered. In the end he somewhat recovers, but he is never fully able to heal from the event that claimed all until his death, similar to Frodo never being able to find true peace until he sailed for Valinor. I hope that you manage to find some peace in such times as these, and although the wound will be there always, hiding under the surface of your daily life and then reappearing to hurt and haunt when you least expect it, remember that life is a gift that varies not in value and that your brother wants you to be happy and live it to the fullest in his honor.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m so very sorry for your terrible loss.
You're welcome, Tara. Glad to share, especially now knowing it's been exactly what some people have needed to hear at the exact moment they found it. And thank you, friend.
Love this! Thank you for sharing! I love what Tolkien writes about hope in his essay “On Fairy Stories”: “The consolation of fairy-stories, the joy of the happy ending; or more correctly of the good catastrophe, the sudden joyous "turn" (for there is no true end to any fairy-tale): this joy, which is one of the things which fairy-stories can produce supremely well, is not essentially "escapist," nor "fugitive." In its fairy-tale -- or otherworld -- setting, it is a sudden and miraculous grace: never to be counted on to recur. It does not deny the existence of dyscatastrophe, of sorrow and failure: the possibility of these is necessary to the joy of deliverance; it denies (in the face of much evidence, if you will) universal final defeat and in so far is evangelium, giving a fleeting glimpse of Joy, Joy beyond the walls of the world, poignant as grief.”
You're welcome. And yes, I love "On Fairy-Stories" and specifically that idea of eucatastrophe too! I wrote about it around Easter this year: https://www.jrrjokien.com/p/what-easter-has-to-do-with-fairy
beautiful. im sorry for your loss.
Thank you, both for the condolences and reading the piece