RIVENDELL—A local White Oliphant gift exchange went awry this Yule season when the assembled partygoers at the Company Holiday Party of Elrond devolved into a heated argument that left all present shaken and disturbed.
The trouble began when one of the attendees opened a gift that turned out to be the One Ring to Rule Them All.
Other guests quickly jumped in to try to steal the gift, even offering their sword, bow, or axe in exchange after the two-steals limit was reached. Arguments over whether the limit on steals should apply to the Ring or whether it should be removed from the exchange for violating the rules of the game in the first place erupted into bedlam.
“It is a gift,” shouted Boromir of Gondor over the din, “that clearly exceeds the 25 silver coin limit. I only brought a pint-sized ale tankard.”
Eventually the ruckus grew so loud that the Wizard Gandalf lost his temper and raised his voice in a harsh, ominous sounding language he would not utter in Hobbiton but had no problem uttering in Rivendell for some reason.
Hobbit Frodo Baggins was shortly afterwards revealed to be the one who brought the gift and thereby caused the ruckus. “I wish the Ring had never come to me,” he confessed. Looking around at the now ruined party, he continued, “I wish none of this had happened.” Judging by the faces of the assembled guests, so did all who lived to see such a time.
Asked for comment, his uncle Bilbo had the following to share: “The Ring was originally mine, you know. I gave it to Frodo as a gift. Don’t know that I appreciate him regifting it like that, especially at a party he knew I would be attending. Perhaps I don’t know him half as well as I should like. It was…precious to me. Obviously not to him, though.
As punishment for violating the rules of the game and ruining the merriment, Frodo was tasked with returning the jewelry to the shopfront from whence it came: Mount Doom Rings and Things. Success seems unlikely, however: neither Bilbo nor Frodo have the original receipt.
May this time be filled with hope, peace, joy, and love for you and yours! Seasons Greetings and Merry Christmas to you all!
“The Birth of Christ is the eucatastrophe of Man’s history. The Resurrection is the eucatastrophe of the story of the Incarnation. This story begins and ends in joy…There is no tale ever told that men would rather find was true…”
— Tolkien, “On Fairy-stories”
P.s.—Here’s a bit more on what Tolkien meant by Christmas being “the eucatastrophe of Man’s history” in a newsletter from last year:
The Hidden Connection Between Christmas, Fairy-stories, and 'The Lord of the Rings"
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Didn't Bilbo use a steal at a previous Christmas to take it from Smeagol?
“White Oliphant” is brilliant right off the bat. Thanks! May the gifts under your tree be fair, but never perilous.