TREEBEARD: We Ents have just agreed...
MERRY and PIPPIN: Yes?
TREEBEARD: ...we have agreed that this meeting...could have been a tree-mail.
MERRY: A tree-mail?
PIPPIN: Is a “tree-mail” anything like a fax?
TREEBEARD: BURÁRUM! (a deep rumble of disgust) WHAT’S THIS ABOUT AXES??
MERRY: No, no! FAX, FAX, not axe!
TREEBEARD: Oh! Well that is a relief. *pauses to think* I don’t know if it’s like a fax. It’s a moot point anyways
PIPPIN: Does it typically take this long for you all to come to a decision about something?
TREEBEARD: A decision? Oh we haven't decided anything yet. We've merely agreed the meeting could have been a tree-mail.
MERRY: What does that even mean??
TREEBEARD: You see, young hobbit, it takes a long time to say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say. The “tree-mail” thing is just a way we greet each other and express how annoyed we might be at having to meet in person for one of these discussions.
PIPPIN: Right. Ehrm…well doesn’t taking so long to say something in Old Entish ever lead to problems?
TREEBEARD: Oh yes. For instance, we Ents have recently begun a seed pod cast, but we never get to really talk about anything. By the time we have all introduced ourselves we’re out of time and the episode is over.
MERRY: Well that doesn’t sound too different than most pods I’ve heard cast! What are some of the things you’d like to talk about on this “pod seed cast” if you could be just a bit more hasty?
TREEBEARD: Our planned topics include: Hobbits: Orcs or no?, 10 Highly Effective Strategies for Shepherding Trees, and Where are the Entwives? Our Top Theories.
PIPPIN: Well that all sounds very nice and all but speaking of being out of time can you please go back in there and convince the rest of the Ents to discuss the problem at hand? Isengard is on the move!
TREEBEARD: Very well, young one. I will return when we have made a decision. I cannot promise we will aid you, though. We Ents are often on nobody's side because nobody is on our side!
[walks away]
MERRY: Did any of that about “tree-mail” and “casting pods” make a bit of sense to you?
PIPPIN: Not. A. Word.
MERRY: Me neither. If I didn’t know any better I’d think old Treebeard was a few acorns short of an oak tree.
PIPPIN: All this talk about seeds and nuts has made me hungry.
MERRY: Everything always comes back around to your appetite, doesn't it?
PIPPIN: Why of course! After all, I am on nobody's side unless they are serving a nice big meal with generous sides!
There and Back Again
Wherein I share highlights from previous years of Jokien with Tolkien
I began 2023 with another Merry and Pippin sketch, adapting a famous comedic sketch into a silly conversation between the two of them.
Appendices
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My laughter from reading this has helped me and the week and a much better light! Thank you so much 😊
Hilarious