Meat Being Back on the Menu at Cafe Mordor Results in Long Lines and Rave Reviews

One does not simply walk into Cafe Mordor...

If it isn’t immediately obvious, no generative AI was used in the making of this masterpiece

MORDOR—Cafe Mordor is experiencing heavier than usual traffic after adding meat back to the menu. Hoping to avoid further confusion and consternation, management would like to remind interested diners that reservations are required in order to guarantee they get to experience the revamped menu instead of the maggoty bread that was formerly on offer.

“One does not simply walk in to Cafe Mordor,” notes Mordor expert and foodie Boromir son of Denethor. “And as for the common—and frankly racist—misconception that Orcs wouldn’t know what menus are, well I am just tired of correcting all the so-called “fact-checkers” on this. Your average Orc is as formidable in an eating contest as they are across a battlefield. Stick a fork in me, I’m done!”

Still, Cafe Mordor is not without its detractors. Differences of opinions have disrupted even the closest of family bonds. Denethor son of Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor, and all-around-disgusting-eater left a one-star review on Palantír Maps, citing a gross lack of cherry tomatoes and the dismal atmosphere and decor.

When reached for comment, the Mouth of Sauron replied, "My master, Sauron the Great, bids all welcome to Cafe Mordor, the one Cafe to rule them all!”

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