If Gandalf Was Your Navigator on a Road Trip

The road goes ever, ever on

Credit: New Line Cinema

If Gandalf was your navigator on a road trip, you’d get impatient with how long the trip was taking. But Gandalf would assure you that a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to. Doesn’t matter that you aren’t a wizard and therefore will still be considered late.

If Gandalf was your navigator on a road trip, he’d recommend you take the shortcut through the tunnel instead of going around the mountain or over the mountain. When you express uncertainty, he’d say it is definitely the right way: he bets his life on it.

If Gandalf was your navigator on a road trip, he’d frown when you reached a three-way fork in the road. “I have no memory of this place,” he’d solemnly mutter. So you’d have no choice but to wait at the road stop while he tried to guess remember which way to go. It wouldn’t exactly be reassuring when he eventually decided on a direction because it smelled better than the others.

If Gandalf was your navigator on a road trip, he’d be constantly ditching you to complete side-quests, letting you get in trouble on your own only to dramatically swoop in at the last second to save you. It’s cool the first time he shows up dramatically at the last second to save you, but the constant aura farming eventually will get to you.

If Gandalf was your navigator on a road trip, he’d wear old, worn, and bland travel clothes. But after another one of those all too frequent disappearances—seriously, what is with that guy?—he’d show up dressed in a fancy new outfit as white as Mr. Clean’s getup and as shiny as Mr. Clean’s dazzling dome.

If Gandalf was your navigator on a road trip, he’d forget the password to the voice-activated gate code to the Airbnb you booked that his old friends owned. “It says ‘say password’ in the welcome email, but what could that mean??” It will take you pointing out asking why it says “say password” for him to remember the password…is “password.” Of course.

But in the end, it’s worth it having him with you. Because you’ll be telling stories about this trip for the rest of your life. And doesn’t having a wizard along for the trip have a nice Ring to it? One trip to rule them all.

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